Two Tips To Help You Not Give Up
Something I've come to realise about myself as a survivor of sexual assault is that I give up easily. I didn't realise that this was a result of my assault, a response to feeling worthless and unworthy. For many years I thought I was being logical. I thought I was rightly responding to situations, so I kept going in the same vain. I have continued to look at my circumstances and, if they are negative, read them as personal judgements on my character and then.. give up.
Let me share an example... writing this blog!
I started this blog as a way to chart my healing journey, but I also thought that I'd love to help others if I could. I had a passion to encourage other sexual assault survivors and help them to see how brave, strong and valuable they were. But, I thought, no-one will ever read it! Surely no-one would ever want to read anything I wrote! And then if I didn't see anyone reading it, I'd conclude: I'm rubbish. I should give up. I have nothing to contribute. And in thinking these things, I thought I was being logical and objective. I thought that these things were true and I didn't have any reason to question them: I'd believed the lies that my abuse and assault taught me. I believed that I was different, that I was worthless. I believed that I didn't have anything to contribute to society, that people wouldn't want to listen to me. I believed these things because I'd come to the conclusion that the reason I was assaulted was because I was different, I was unworthy, I was worthless. These lies crept into my life and had affects that I didn't even realise.
But, the revelation that I've had recently as I've continued to heal from my assault is that this isn't true. I'm not worthless. I'm not unworthy. The assault doesn't define my character and define who I am. In fact it shows how strong I am. I've come to see that making the link between my success or lack of success and my character is not helpful. It just perpetuates lies that I believed about myself. It stops me from striving on in my healing journey and blossoming.
If you are someone who feels the same. If you are someone who thinks that you have nothing to contribute and that a negative comment or experience means you should give up, please remember...
You are not worthless or somehow less important or valuable than other people. You are made in the image of God. You are valuable. This means that what you have to say or what you do is valuable, therefore people should take you seriously and respect you. If people don't it's not your problem. It's their problem. You are objectively valuable. You matter and so you have something to say. What you think and do matters. Your viewpoint matters. Your work matters. What happened to you doesn't define you. It doesn't make you who you are. You are not worthless. You matter. (For more posts on this topic, please go here, here, here and here).
If you are trying to write a blog, like me, or pursue a hobby or career, don't give up. Keep going. You have something to contribute and it matters. Please remember that there are so many reasons that we don't see success and very rarely are they a result of our character. They are not a reflection on us or what has happened to us. It could be that people don't know about you or what you offer and if they did, they'd love to be involved.
Please keep going. Keep believing that you are valuable and you have something worthwhile to contribute.
I have noticed that, along with my tendency to give up easily, I am impatient. I want things to happen overnight and when they don't, I start jumping to conclusions about my character. The familiar lies of: "I must be rubbish." "There's no point in carrying on..." creep in. I forget that the normal pattern of the world is that things take time. Hard work pays off and, in time, we will see fruitfulness. It might not be what we imagine, but if we continue to work hard, we often see results.
These things have been a helpful reminder to me. They have given me confidence to keep going and to not give up. I haven's stopped writing my blog. I haven't stopped writing in other projects. I keep going remembering that I am valuable. That I do have something important to say. I remember that, in time, as I persevere, I will improve and (hopefully) I'll gain an audience and help others.
So, if you are anything like me, remember that you are valuable and don't give up!
You matter. You can do this!
Until next time,
Julia x
Let me share an example... writing this blog!
I started this blog as a way to chart my healing journey, but I also thought that I'd love to help others if I could. I had a passion to encourage other sexual assault survivors and help them to see how brave, strong and valuable they were. But, I thought, no-one will ever read it! Surely no-one would ever want to read anything I wrote! And then if I didn't see anyone reading it, I'd conclude: I'm rubbish. I should give up. I have nothing to contribute. And in thinking these things, I thought I was being logical and objective. I thought that these things were true and I didn't have any reason to question them: I'd believed the lies that my abuse and assault taught me. I believed that I was different, that I was worthless. I believed that I didn't have anything to contribute to society, that people wouldn't want to listen to me. I believed these things because I'd come to the conclusion that the reason I was assaulted was because I was different, I was unworthy, I was worthless. These lies crept into my life and had affects that I didn't even realise.
But, the revelation that I've had recently as I've continued to heal from my assault is that this isn't true. I'm not worthless. I'm not unworthy. The assault doesn't define my character and define who I am. In fact it shows how strong I am. I've come to see that making the link between my success or lack of success and my character is not helpful. It just perpetuates lies that I believed about myself. It stops me from striving on in my healing journey and blossoming.
If you are someone who feels the same. If you are someone who thinks that you have nothing to contribute and that a negative comment or experience means you should give up, please remember...
1. You are valuable
You are not worthless or somehow less important or valuable than other people. You are made in the image of God. You are valuable. This means that what you have to say or what you do is valuable, therefore people should take you seriously and respect you. If people don't it's not your problem. It's their problem. You are objectively valuable. You matter and so you have something to say. What you think and do matters. Your viewpoint matters. Your work matters. What happened to you doesn't define you. It doesn't make you who you are. You are not worthless. You matter. (For more posts on this topic, please go here, here, here and here).
2. Keep going
If you are trying to write a blog, like me, or pursue a hobby or career, don't give up. Keep going. You have something to contribute and it matters. Please remember that there are so many reasons that we don't see success and very rarely are they a result of our character. They are not a reflection on us or what has happened to us. It could be that people don't know about you or what you offer and if they did, they'd love to be involved.
Please keep going. Keep believing that you are valuable and you have something worthwhile to contribute.
I have noticed that, along with my tendency to give up easily, I am impatient. I want things to happen overnight and when they don't, I start jumping to conclusions about my character. The familiar lies of: "I must be rubbish." "There's no point in carrying on..." creep in. I forget that the normal pattern of the world is that things take time. Hard work pays off and, in time, we will see fruitfulness. It might not be what we imagine, but if we continue to work hard, we often see results.
These things have been a helpful reminder to me. They have given me confidence to keep going and to not give up. I haven's stopped writing my blog. I haven't stopped writing in other projects. I keep going remembering that I am valuable. That I do have something important to say. I remember that, in time, as I persevere, I will improve and (hopefully) I'll gain an audience and help others.
So, if you are anything like me, remember that you are valuable and don't give up!
You matter. You can do this!
Until next time,
Julia x
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