Beyond sexual assault

For years, I struggled to accept that I was a victim of child sexual abuse and assault. I couldn’t bear to think the words, never mind say them. I remember trying to read various books and I’d block them out. I couldn’t bring myself to take that step. Even now, I struggle to accept, not what happened as much, but the pain and hurt that goes with it. The pain is immense at times. It takes over my whole being. My body cries out in pain for the betrayal and hurt I suffered. I carry it with me in every fibre of my being. It's more than memories. It's more than remembering an event.  The turning point was reading (or tried to read) Holcomb’s book ‘Rid of my Disgrace’ and a key element that they propose in the journey towards healing and recovery is defining and naming your assault. I didn’t understand why at first. I didn't want to define it. I didn't want to name it. I didn't want to accept it.  But now I get why it's so crucial: understanding what happe...

This is a subject that's very close to my heart: how to helpfully respond to a survivor of sexual assault. RAINN currently have a great acronym to help support survivors - TALK . I wanted to add my own thoughts to this and share my experience in telling others... This may be a post that you could share with friends or those in your church. It's something you may want to add your own thoughts to... I'd love to hear what you think. My experience of telling people has been hard. After I was abused as a child, I made a promise with myself that I would never tell anyone about the abuse. I kept that promise for over 10 years and in that time I was still being abused regularly. As an adult, I began to realise that what had happened to me was wrong and so I wanted to tell people. I didn't want to carry the pain alone. I hated the feeling that I had a dark cloud hanging over me with no relief. I believed that telling people would help. But I was also petrified. I was a ...

Was it worth speaking out? Is it worth speaking out? I ask myself this often. I have broken the silence. Sometimes I'm glad. At other times I wish that I could turn back time and erase the day I did it as it is sometimes hard. People don't respond well. They don't respond as you expect and it's painful. But, they are my darker moments. And, I know that it was a good thing to speak out. I would do it again. That isn't because it's easy. It isn't because it's magically made everything better. Far from it. Breaking the silence, in some ways, has made things harder. It has caused me to think about things I didn't want to deal with. It's caused me to accept some difficult things. It has also produced some really unexpected fruit - helping others and being part of a community of survivors. They give me such strength and love. So, these are the reasons that I'm so glad that I broke the silence and spoke out about my abuse and assault: It...